The price to pay: what the straight couple costs women, according to Lucile Quillet
Where does women's money go, the money they have and the money they will never touch? What do they spend it on in a heterosexual couple? In "The price to pay", what the straight couple costs women, published on October 6 in Liens qui liberante (LLL), an investigation as amusing as it is serious, journalist and coach for working women Lucile Quillet, ex-Madame Figaro, describes the journey of women and their wallets before entering into a relationship, during and after, to prevent them and make them think.
Challenges - Why are you interested in the money of women in straight couples?
Lucile Quillet - Journalist, I have been writing for years about women's lives, their bodies, their relationships, their work, social injunctions... I first noticed how much they spent to be the "right candidate" to the pair. I wanted to show the inequalities, the invisible gifts, the way in which men and the State rely on the invisible work of women, while prejudices assert that they understand nothing about money, that they are maintained by their spouse. Often, we do not listen to them, but the figures that I quote here speak to everyone. I chose to focus on the heterosexual couple because it still represents an ideal life for many, a model, with standards. It is necessary to correspond to a distribution of roles: the male head of the family on one side, the gentle creature woman, pretty, loving and in the gift of herself, on the other. The one who seeks to be loved, but who does not count.
Expenditure inequalities begin before couple formation. Is it a surprise?
No, single heterosexual women are already in pursuit of this ideal. They will seek to be beautiful, to get ready, to make up, to make themselves sexually available in order to be perceived as "the good candidate" for the couple. First there is the "aesthetic charge": hair removal, which I estimate at 21,000 euros in a lifetime (60 euros per month over 35 years), then beauty products and make-up, i.e. 1,000 euros in my bathroom. personal bath, while that represents 4.99 euros for my spouse... There is also contraception which represents around 4,900 euros in a lifetime, and not 2 euros per pill as we often hear, and appointments with the gynecologist, the avoidance of STDs, all that is called "the sexual charge. We are told that women have the choice not to comply with these standards, but those who refuse it pay the price, and the critics All this money, all this time, we don't invest it for us, but in the couple or the search for a partner. The first price to pay is self-forgetfulness...
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Who manages the couple's budget? To whom is this management attributed?
The example of Jeanne, my 81-year-old great-aunt and perfect housewife of the 1960s, is eloquent. When her husband died, she faced a pile of paperwork, her inability to manage money and her guilt. And it doesn't get better in wealthy social categories: the more money there is in a couple, the more women are kept away from it. It hasn't disappeared these days… Men will manage the big expense items, written down and valued socially: real estate, cars, loans and vacations. These are both stocks and what makes society shine. The women will manage the flows, the shopping and the daily expenses, they are resourceful. The more precarious the home, the more they manage the money, find the right tricks, go to the CAF, recover the alimony (170 euros on average, sic). They say they're not good with money, but that's not true.
How to better distribute expenses between men and women?
I was surprised to see the number of couples who split the expenses 50/50. And of women who thus think they are defending their honor, showing that they are not looked after. They feel obliged to be egalitarian in a society that is absolutely not: there is an average gap of 42% between the incomes of the two spouses. They are younger than their husbands, work in more feminized sectors and therefore less paid. This situation is deeply unfair because they will save less and therefore invest in their future.
Distributing the expenses in proportion to what each earns is a little more equitable. But it's not perfect because there's a ripple effect: whoever wins the most gets to win over housing or vacations. What if the man offers a vacation to Cuba, when his wife could only afford to go camping? The woman falls into permanent debt and guilt. I defend a guilt-free pro rata where the discussion on money is free: who spends what, who pays for the perishable and who invests...
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Why is inequality in household chores a bigger problem than it seems?
To begin with, 72% of basic domestic tasks are carried out by women. When they form a couple, a woman carries out seven hours of cleaning per week more, the man two less. With each child, the gap widens. We don't realize it, but it's an opportunity cost for women. The one who has to pick up the children at 5 p.m. cannot do just any job. Today's men wouldn't have these jobs if women didn't manage everything on a daily basis. With this survey, I changed my definition of work: it is an activity that generates value or opportunities for someone other than yourself.
What awaits them when their spouse separates or dies?
The man's career has a "locomotive effect", when everyone is in the wagon, the woman benefits. But at the time of the breakup, the wife gets out of the train and continues on foot… Women lose on average 20% of their standard of living, despite the alimony. I was shocked that survivors' pensions for widows are only paid if they were married, and not if they remarry afterwards! Or that receiving 50% of the husband's pension is conditional on the level of income. I don't know if that means that women always have to depend on a benefactor, but the survivor's pension is seen as a favour. The State makes savings with these logics, savings on the backs of women.
What are your solutions to improve the financial situation of women?
It may sound a little radical, but I advocate a domestic wage for housewives, to help them gain financial independence. Raising children, future citizens, those who will soon pay pensions, is real work. I also want women to have a real income in retirement and in the survivor's pension, which I also dream of being valid in the event of cohabitation. The State should vote for paternity leave equal to maternity leave, which would force companies to adopt more inclusive HR policies. The government should also open more crèches and better reimburse contraception. Finally, for greater equality, income tax should be calculated on an individual basis, not on household resources.
The price to pay, what the straight couple costs women, Lucile Quillet, October 2021, The links that liberate (LLL), 19 euros.
