The price to pay for women in heterosexual couple: the addition is salty!
“Where does women’s money go, the money they have and the money they will never have? What do they spend the one they have on? And, in negative of this fullness, what is the void: in what do they not invest it? Why won't they get more? The elements of the answers to these questions converged for the most part on the same point: their couple.
At first glance, women spend a lot on the couple, but do not earn much because of it. A doubt seized me. A doubt that goes against received ideas about the “maintained woman” who benefits from the largesse of her partner. Is the couple a scam for women?”
Thus begins the work of Lucile Quillet, author of The Price to Pay – What the straight couple costs women (Les Liens qui Libérant editions). His book is divided into three main parts: before the couple, as a couple and after the couple. Different stages of life that lead to a salty addition for heterosexual women.
The price to pay for being a good physical candidate
Before being in a relationship, a woman must comply with certain injunctions. Lucile Quillet compares this phase to that which the famous character of Bridget Jones goes through who, to find a husband, decides to lose 10 kg, buys lingerie, does her nails, waxes, does her hair...
“To understand why Bridget Jones is willing to spend and invest so much time, money and energy in the quest for true love is to understand why women want to be in a relationship so much. Because the couple is what makes you happy. But above all, what makes you a normal person”, writes the journalist.
But to achieve this “normality”, you have to take out the wallet.
Take “self-care”: €1,000 for women vs €4.99 for men
The author begins by taking a walk in her bathroom. She compares her products to those of her companion, putting aside those they share such as toothpaste, deodorant, razors or even shower gel. Facial soap, make-up remover, various creams, night serum, hair and face masks, straighteners, make-up… In total, it has around forty cosmetic products.
On the side of his companion: just a mouthwash. Basta. If you go to the checkout, the gap is gaping. The author has about €1,000 worth of products, for purer skin, hydrated hair and “solutions” to avoid wrinkles. His companion, for a healthy mouth, paid €4.99.
“How many thousands of dollars have I spent on beauty products since my teenage years? But above all, why?” asks Lucile Quillet. “The male gaze (the male gaze or dominant visual culture, editor's note) has made women's physique the translation of its qualities, of a state of mind and a form of virtue, where men are exempt. ”
Leafing through a women's press magazine dating from April 2021, the author discovers two pages devoted to "allies" to "fashion a summer bodysuit". To achieve this utopian “bikini body”, 17 products are presented. From shower gel to exfoliation, not a serum, an oil or even a mousse. The total basket: 700 euros.
Tweeze that hair I can't see: €21,600 vs €0
Beyond cosmetics and make-up, “women” must have soft skin, and therefore… wax. If the hairs are more and more accepted and shown, they remain chased by many women. The figures are down, but still 73% of them consider it important to wax to be attractive (-13 points since 2013), according to an Ifop study published in February 2021.
Lucile Quillet has therefore assessed the impact of these “treatments”. She compared several aesthetic brands and based herself on the “basic” areas to wax – namely the armpits, legs and bikini line. On average, it is necessary to count “at least” 60 euros per session. That is to say 720 euros per year. Which makes 21,600 euros from 20 to 50 years old…
To those skeptics who might retort that not everyone goes to the beautician or does not have €1,000 worth of products in their bathroom, the author retorts: “The majority of women would they continue to wax and apply makeup while living alone on a desert island? […] To have the choice not to carry out the aesthetic charge is to give oneself full powers, to dispense with the approval of others. And women weren't brought up that way.”
@BarberSox @_AlohaMrHand @fromthe108 @Billywires You're right, silly me . He can't even hide the cable wires on his… https://t.co/dJBgxU2F5g
— Wally 💵 Sat Apr 18 14:14:59 +0000 2020
The price to pay for the sexual charge: up to nearly €5,000 of contraception
Today, women can “choose” when they want to “get” pregnant. However, for this, “you have to spend the vast majority of your sex life working to not [have children]”.
To be able to “choose”, you have to think about contraception. Most of the time assumed by women, both physically and financially.
65% of the pills on the market are supported. By deducting the reimbursement of the prescription and the follow-up, the patient remains responsible for between 18 and 38 euros per year, according to the High Health Authority. For a pill not covered, it takes about twenty euros for the medical consultation, and between 100 and 141 euros annually for the rest to be paid. Result, for 35 years of contraception: 4,900 euros.
For contraceptive patches, between 171 and 184 euros per year; around twenty euros per year for the implant; or 7 to 18 euros remaining on average per year for an IUD.
The price to pay once in a relationship
Once in a relationship, the wage gaps are also marked. Only 25% of women in couples earn more than their partner. On average, men earn a salary 20.3% higher than women on a full-time equivalent basis, according to a study by the Observatory of Inequalities of March 5, 2021.
The author then wonders if it is fair to do 50/50 for rent and daily expenses (shopping, outings, etc.)? “[This obsession with 50/50] has helped to reinforce women's guilt and make women's concessions and free labor for the home even more invisible,” she writes in her book The Price to Pay.
Pro rata is not the miracle solution either, according to the journalist. “Even by pro rata, many women run behind the standard of living of their partner. This is what I call the 'ripple effect': the highest salary sets the standard of living”, explains Lucile Quillet.
In addition, it demonstrates, based on figures, that the couple increases the burden of a woman. In France, 80% of women clean and/or cook every day, compared to only 36% of men, according to a study conducted by Insee and Eurostat in 2017.
“What is really interesting, beyond everyone's standards, is that when they form a couple, domestic time increases for women, decreases for their spouses: a woman in a relationship adds 7 hours of domestic work in his week, when a man takes two away!”, she writes.
Also read: Titiou Lecoq: “We cannot require women to aim for zero waste if the tasks are not shared”
The price of becoming parents
When it comes to caring for children, the distribution is also unequal. “In 2010, women provided 74% of basic care for children, 73% of their school attendance and 69% of journeys. Equality with men only comes close when it comes to leisure”, quotes Lucile Quillet, according to figures from the OECD.
It is also the woman who changes her schedule when a child arrives. “Nearly 40% of working women modify their activity after the arrival of a child, which produces a lasting penalty of remuneration of around 30%. The more children there are, the more they turn away from full time: in families with one child, 28% of mothers work part time, then 42% when there are three. While 90% of women without young children are working, only 64% have two children, the youngest of whom is under three years old, and 43% when they live with at least three children. Women represent 80% of part-time employees and 50% of them justify it for family reasons.”
Also read: Mental load: what doves have to teach us
Free domestic work
Domestic work which is however not quantified, and which is precisely not considered as “work”. However, this domestic work makes it possible to achieve economies of scale for men who “enjoy the free work of their spouse”. “If it were monetized, as the consulting firm Mackenzie imagines, the limited scope of domestic tasks would be estimated at 292 billion euros in 2010, or 15% of GDP. Given that it is 72% made by women, that makes 210 billion female euros evaporated”, figures the author.
Also read: Domestic work: women present the bill
Data that makes you dizzy. And inequalities that continue if ever there is a divorce or if the man dies before the woman.
However, Lucile Quillet is in a heterosexual couple, dreams of marriage and children. “I did not write this book to encourage women to stop being in a relationship. I wanted to do them justice, try to show what they give up and what we don't see. The money was just a pretext,” she explains. Before concluding: "It's not about women's problems, but about society".
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