Despite the injunctions, they did not breastfed their baby alive - the sacrosanct breastfeeding (episode 01)
Recent news has given a big place to women who wish to breastfeed their baby without being disturbed, even attacked, in public space.What about mothers who make another choice in a society where breastfeeding is still strongly encouraged?
The SPF Public Health SPF is completely clear on this subject: more women should breastfeed in our country, and longer.The main argument is linked to the health of the baby;breast milk bringing all nutritional elements and baby antibodies.The SPF Public Health also lists hospitals which have received the""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""friend of babies"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" label and which actively encourage breastfeeding, that is to say 27 maternity to date.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""This implies that in Belgium, one in four baby (26% of births) is born in a friend friend of babies.Ultimately, the objective is that all hospitals get this label,""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""read the SPF website.If it is absolutely important that women who are breastfeeding receive all the information they need, do mothers who decide not to give the breast listened to in such a context?What about the mental and physical health of mothers?The testimonies collected are edifying.
Anne, 53, gave birth to her first daughter 23 years ago.She remembers:""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Still pregnant, I was looking for a portage scarf and I found myself at a Leche League meeting ..."""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" The Leche League is a breastfeeding support association.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""I do not know.It was like a tupperware meeting, in a woman, in her house.For three quarters of an hour, they only talked about breastfeeding suddenly.From what I selected, it is that if I was not going, I was going to destine my daughter in an early childhood full of illness.I had the impression that there was no alternative, if I wanted to be a good mother, I had to breastfeed.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Anne gives birth in a hospital which is today"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" friend of babies"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""".""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""I wanted to try to breastfeed but anyway I was not asked for my opinion.What I did not know is that you have directly a milk rise when you give birth and if you don't want to breastfeed, you can take a medication to stop it [see box below, editor's note].""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""But what is this trap?""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
The nursing staff explains to him how to breastfeed.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Et là, la douleur.It hurts very much in fact the first feeds!My breasts were very hard and swollen.The nurses made fun of me, they said to me: ‘Ah yes madam, that’s like that becoming a mom’ ’.I fought, I didn't stop.After two weeks, I had bloody breasts and crevices.My mother lives in France, I had no one near me, not a sister, a aunt, nor a grandmother.Already that I was not very valiant after childbirth, I said to myself:""""""""""""""""""But what is this trap?""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
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Anne breastfeeds her daughter for three months.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Je cochais les jours, comme si j’étais une prisonnière en prison.I found it alienating, my body no longer belonged to me, because it is when the child cries that it must be nourished within the breast, not at a fixed time as with the bottle.No woman was going into public space so as soon as I went out, I had to run home as soon as my baby was crying.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Anne being independent, she returned to work before the end of the three months of breastfeeding.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""J’ai acheté un tire-lait.It is flat on your breasts and you feel like you are a milk cow.It's violent to say that but that's what I felt.I was also super anxious because I did not know the quantity that my baby ate when she was taking the breast.You can't check as with a bottle.
The baby's weight is precisely on this that Sarah, 49, was guilty when she was breastfeeding.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Mon fils ne voulait pas prendre le sein qui était blessé avec des crevasses donc je souffrais.My gynecologist called me a incompetent mother.For my second child, I stopped taking the lead and I started breastfeeding very early.It freed me.I was told all the time: ‘breastfeeding, it protects your children.But both were sick!""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
►►► A lire aussi :""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Les mères à vif"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" : une série de podcasts pour sortir de l'image de la maternité idéale
No generality
Anne also decided to do things differently when her second daughter arrived 17 years ago.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""J’étais déjà plus formée dans mon féminisme et on commençait à parler des violences obstétricales.So I was able to impose that I wanted to give birth on the side and not feet in the stirrup.I asked to receive the famous drug that blocks the rise of milk.The service gynecologist demanded that I justify myself.I explained that it was my decision.I ended up having to scream to receive it and, with the help of my doctor, it ended up working.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""And that changes everything for the mom.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""J’ai récupéré plus vite physiquement.My companion was able to invest in the feeding of our baby.Oddly, at night I did not hear the tears of the baby, it was the dad who got up.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Anne stops to laugh.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Je n’ai jamais regretté mon choix.My second daughter was finally much more resistant to diseases, so there is no generality on this subject.On the other hand, what I found fascinating is that the rise of milk even happens before your baby cries.Your body knows she's going to be hungry.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""It is necessary to tell future mothers the realities of childbirth and breastfeeding.Yes, breastfeeding can hurt.Yes, we defeat when we give birth because we push.There are women who stop pushing because of that, because no one warned them.No one in the delivery room reassures them by telling them that this is normal and that this is the case for all women. Il faut arrêter de mentir, ce n’est pas le meilleur des mondes"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""", tient à souligner Anne.
Always very current injunctions
And it seems that the injunctions have not really evolved since Anne and Sarah's deliveries.Charlotte, 35, gave birth 6 months ago. Elle observe :""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Je ne me projetais pas dans l’allaitement.Especially since I was not breastfed and I have very good immune defenses, I am never sick.In my entourage, I have very happy women to have breastfed and who have done it for a long time.But I also have my sister who lived a complicated period of postpartum after childbirth and breastfeeding did not help her.She could have delegated, withdraw this charge from her shoulders if she had not breastfed.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
►►► To read also: Postpartum, this period of great vulnerability of women
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""I am a feminist and I find that breastfeeding is one of the arguments which is used to create this image of a nourishing mother, this magic and innate connection between the baby and the mother.It is a sexist discourse that I do not endorse, because it presents as normal that the fathers are disconnected from their children, since they do not feed them.This is a social scheme I don't want. J’en ai parlé avec des femmes des générations avant moi, dont ma maman, et elles constatent qu’il y a un retour en force de l’allaitement comme LA solution, qu’il y a une forte pression du personnel soignant"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""", explique-t-elle.She participates in a delivery preparation program.From the first session, breastfeeding is put on the carpet.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Ça prend beaucoup de place, c’était même là avant d’autres questions que je pouvais avoir.At the beginning, I wanted to do the first feed so that my baby had the colostrum but then I wanted to go to the bottle so that my husband feeds his daughter.And clearly I felt high pressure to change my mind.At the end of each meeting of the preparation program, the midwife came to ask me if I had changed my mind!""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Moms guilt
After childbirth, she feels guilt in the face of her decision not to breastfeed - a word that often comes up with mothers interviewed - but also a great anger.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""On n’explique pas aux femmes qui ne vont pas allaiter comment le faire ! On ne m’a pas préparée à la montée de lait qui est moment violent physiquement et douloureux.I have not been told about the gear that is engaged because the baby smells the milk rising.The more I cajola my daughter, the more she screaming and the more my body produced milk since my baby was hungry ... I ended up sleeping on the sofa, letting my husband take care of my daughter.It puts me in a mad rage because there are solutions and the nursing staff is there to prevent mothers from suffering normally!I was just told to put cabbage leaves in my bra ...""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
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""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""For me, objectively, there are powder milk advantages.Already my body was completely emptied after 9 months of pregnancy, I had to take food supplements. Avec le lait en poudre, je sais le dosage, je sais ce que je donne à manger à mon bébé"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""", continue Charlotte.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Mais ce qui est intéressant, c’est qu’il s’agit de la première question que l’on me pose.First I am asked how the childbirth went and there, ex officio, you lie (laughs).You don't tell everything like that, to people you don't know well.And then directly comes the question of breastfeeding, even from colleagues.Until the 6 months of the baby, you have to justify yourself all the time, permanently.I am inexhaustible on the subject!My friends gave me a postnatal massage by a doula.I explain to him that my delivery was physically difficult and that the milk climbs are very painful.She is aware of everything.At the end of the massage, she still told me that I could spread breastfeeding in two weeks if I went better.So she didn't listen to me at all.If I had been alone, maybe I would have finished falling in the face of these permanent injunctions and I would have breastfed my daughter.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""J’ai trois enfants et dès le départ, je savais que je ne voulais pas allaiter"""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""", souligne quant à elle Virginie, 47 ans.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Je ne juge pas du tout les mamans qui le font, c’est très courageux.For modesty, I would not feel comfortable, for me, the chest is an intimate, sensual area.I am a psychologist and I wanted to preserve my relationship with my children, so I wanted to be good in moments of feeding, so that my babies feel it.I have a doctor friend who did not understand my choice at all, compared to the immunity which is transmitted to the baby by the milk.After childbirth, a pediatrician entered the room to tell me that I gave a foreign body to my baby, speaking of the bottle.I just wanted to be left alone!I was also told that if my children were sick, it would be my fault.I may have been sure of my choice, I felt guilt.It was painful.My husband followed me in this decision, this is not the case for all women, and he was also able to take his place in moments of feeding.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
Those for whom it is not a choice
There are also women who cannot or could not breastfeed.This is the case of Elsa, 40 years old.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""Je prenais un médicament, qui pouvait être transmis à mon fils si je l’allaitais.I was still yelly by a nurse in the first night because I was not going.She didn't know for the drug.But even if I had been able to do it, I wouldn't have done it at the time I think.Since then, I have read a lot and I see things differently, I tell myself that if the milk is made, it is for a good reason.I think this is the choice of each and that we must respect it.It is better to give the bottle with the heart than the breast reluctantly.No woman should feel forced in her decision.""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
How to manage the rise of milk when you do not go?
We are inspired here by the response of Nicolas Dutriaux, liberal midwife, available on this site.
