Couple and pregnancy: what happens in men's heads?-Marie Claire

By Géraldine LevasseurShareSend by e-mail

Rather than fantasize about the thoughts of our partners during pregnancy, we gave the floor to four dads, all new or about to become so that they speak to us couple and pregnancy.

My wife is pregnant: "Her belly attracts me like a magnet"

Léon, 35, architect, married for a year. His wife, 40, is due in a month.

Me. She already had one and didn't want another. But I really wanted to, and for the first time in my life, I finally felt ready. In six months, I convinced her. Her growing body is magical and moving. I imagine my child inside. I am in love. I'm not afraid of the pounds she's putting on, and I'm not afraid that she won't go back to what she was before. She's not the kind of woman to let herself go.

He draws me like a magnet, I need to touch him. In the hope of perceiving our baby, but also because I feel totally responsible for this situation.

They're nicer, bigger, but I don't care. I also liked her small breasts. I have the impression that she prefers them bigger. For me, they embody the nurturing mother. Nothing sexual.

The idea that she is carrying this child considerably reduces my desire for her. And I miss not wanting her. I don't know what she thinks about it, because we don't talk about it. But I don't sense momentum in her either.

It's almost nothing. We have to make love every two months, and again... It's always me who asks, and this moment happens without fantasy. Her belly bothers me a lot. I'm afraid of hurting him, of crushing him, I curb my ardor. But I'm afraid that this restraint will "de-excite" her too.

I'm faithful, but I miss sex. Yes, I could cheat on her, but that would be a one-minute prank. I'm sure I'd feel bad: I'd feel like I was taking advantage of the situation, because she can't cheat me pregnant. Let's be frank: if an opportunity presented itself, I know I could do it, so I make sure to avoid the opportunities.

I'm not worried: the pregnancy is going well. It's the sequel that freaks me out a bit. Becoming a father, organizing our life differently, thinking about nannying, stewardship...

She already has a child, I was able to observe her with her son. She feels the fundamental need to remain a woman before becoming a mother.

My wife is pregnant: "During the pregnancy, I wanted her again like never before"

Luciano, 42, restaurateur, in a relationship for five years, father of a 3-year-old baby month.

The two of us. Between us, it's crazy love from the start. We knew it would end up creating a family.

That's pretty creepy. She gained 22 kg, and she must have about ten left to lose. The subject is taboo: I made a comment to her last week, she didn't really appreciate it. I can't wait for her to be like before...

I found it fascinating throughout the pregnancy. At the end, I loved feeling the baby move, I was talking to him hoping he would recognize me. What I did not know is that the belly does not disappear from birth.

They have become mind-blowing. She must be doing 105 D. But since she is breastfeeding our son, they don't excite me at all, I see them as purely maternal.

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We had crazy sex when we first met. Then nothing; and during the pregnancy, I wanted her again like never before. His condition excited me. I found her more beautiful, funnier, even sexier. Maybe I'm perverted, but I liked the idea that this woman belonged entirely to me.

We had a blast throughout the pregnancy. I controlled my movements, because I was afraid of hurting the baby, but I was very demanding. She does too, except at the end. Me, I could have continued to make love to her until the last minute as this state of "everything" filled me. Seeing this woman-mother in ecstasy overwhelmed me. One day I even cried. I did not know that a woman could embody all women. She blew me away.

I was faithful throughout the pregnancy. I didn't need anyone else, she fulfilled me. Maybe if we hadn't continued making love, I would have been unfaithful... I don't know. It's today that I ask myself questions: our couple is going through dark times, my wife is rejecting me, she only takes care of the baby, and I miss her body a lot. If an opportunity presents itself, I know that I will falter.

In relation to my role as a father, I have no fear. I dreaded the moment of childbirth, but it was such an intense happiness that it swept away all my anxieties. Today, I am afraid of the upheaval of our daily life: we no longer go out, we no longer receive, all the discussions are centered on the baby, and my wife spends her days with our son at her breast. It's not very glamorous.

She became a mother, a super-mom. When I come home at night, she sometimes smells of diaper and Mitosyl. I pointed it out to her, she took it very badly. I'm afraid it's not about to stop. I would like to find my wife.

My wife is pregnant: "It's true that my desire has dropped"

Antoine, 56, photographer. His wife, who is fifteen years younger, has a daughter, he a son. Together they had a baby a week ago.

It’s mostly her. As I was very much in love, anything was possible.

We don't see it coming, but either way, I don't really care. I've loved very plump women before... It's more for her that it was a problem. I kept reassuring her about her beauty, because I felt she needed it.

It's a safe, a store of treasure. The roundness is always attractive to the hand, but the idea that my baby was inside changed the direction of my caress. I wanted to convey softness and warmth, not desire.

Rounder, firmer, livelier, more sensitive... I liked to touch them, but not more than before. On the other hand, I did not like to imagine them as nourishing organs: this vision broke all the fantasy.

Faced with this body that I suddenly felt less free, it is true that my desire has decreased. We had quite a few discussions about it – which I didn't like, by the way. Women seem so convinced that we are less desirous during their pregnancy that we sometimes feel watched, tested...

She really wanted to make love, I didn't. Her behavior was no longer the same: I felt that she wanted to prove to herself that she was desirable, I didn't like that. For me, this mysterious baby in the belly was a fragile third person, there was no question of me launching into frantic assaults. She blamed me because it was not like before. No, it couldn't be.

I would have found it useless to deceive her. Of course, I lacked sex, but there are personal ways to make up for the lack. Fidelity is a pledge of love, and I love this woman with absolute love.

She was already a mother and lacked neither intensity, nor fantasy, nor madness. Often people think that when you have children, life loses its salt. It's wrong. I like that she is a bit of a crazy mother.

My wife is pregnant: "Where did the bomb go that I met?"

Benjamin, 27, courier, cohabiting with a woman ten years older. She is eight months pregnant.

Her, of course. I was in love, I said: why not? I was scared, but I didn't back down, I feel ready to be a father.

It's impressive. She took at least 20 kg, and it is not very harmonious. Last week, I called my mother to find out if this was normal. She tried to reassure me, but it didn't work. Where did the bomb go that I had encountered?

I love touching him, kissing him, talking to my son. The miracle of life impresses me. When I freak out about her figure, I console myself by looking at her stomach. Suddenly, everything seems normal to me: I remember that she is carrying my little man.

Magic too. They were small and firm, they are huge and alive. I love kissing them. I would like her to keep them that way afterwards, but I don't want her to breastfeed. These women who open their shirts everywhere to feed the little one, it makes me uncomfortable.

To want a woman, I have to find her sexy, and in this state, it doesn't work. She feels it and it saddens her. She, she says she wants me all the time. I even stopped walking around the apartment naked, so she wouldn't jump on me.

At the beginning, it was like before: great. Then, with his body getting bigger, I stopped everything. She doesn't appeal to me. It's stupid, but I'm afraid to hurt the baby. I explained my discomfort to her, but I'm not sure she understood: she asked me if I was cheating on her. I said no, and she asked me how I would react if she cheated on me. I said it seemed impossible to me. She had a smile that I did not know her. Since then, I wonder if she is not capable of cheating on me, pregnant.

Yes, I cheat on her regularly. Just to alleviate the lack. With girls met randomly on outings or on the Internet. The case lasts an hour, and I never see them again. Of course, I feel ashamed. I tell myself that it is not right, but she will never know because I will preserve her.

I am not afraid of the baby, of my role as a father or of giving birth. I fear material problems: I don't earn a good living, she does. The inequality between us will become formidable. She wants a nanny, a room for the baby... Me, I can't afford it, I want our son to go to the crèche. She also told me about the ring that her friend received as a gift at the birth of her daughter, I could never give her a sumptuous gift. I have a feeling this is going to be a problem...

I have no idea what will become of her. Sometimes, when I listen to her speak, I hear a plump bourgeoise. It scares me and I tell myself that she will become a full-fledged mother. Then we burst out laughing, she mimics contractions... I see her as happy as ever, and those moments reassure me: she will remain my wife.