We dare to talk about it: I'm afraid of being alone with my baby
By Clémentine Thineymis up to date shares it by e-mail Je certifie ne pas envoyer d'e-mail indésirableDevenir parent est synonyme de grand changement. Un bébé, aussi petit soit-il, est un véritable tsunami ! Marie Costa, coach parentale, et le docteur Jacq, psychothérapeute, vous rassurent, et vous donnent quelques astuces pour ne plus avoir peur d’être seul(e) avec votre bébé.Nowadays, speech around the difficulties linked to parenting is increasingly free.Nevertheless, parents are always subject to a certain pressure, societal, but also personal, faced with the desire to be """"perfect parents"""".However, you surely suspect it, this is impossible!Marie Costa, parental coach exclaims: “If we were all perfect, it would be terrible, we would all be robots!”.
Fear of loneliness
Several reasons explain the fear of finding yourself face to face with your child.Among them, the fear of loneliness.This is one of the main causes of postpartum depression.""""The entourage works, there is a kind of vacuum that is created, sometimes with a lot of desolation.You have to be aware of it, ”explains the coach.It is therefore important to know how to surround yourself, and not to hesitate to call on our loved ones, or to professionals.""""At first, do not hesitate to call on his spouse, then those around her,"""" advises Marie Costa.She adds: """"I also advise to have a person in his repertoire who is all the time available.We must warn her, tell her that since she is constantly reachable, we risk often calling her, and that she must listen to us, and there to cheer us up.""""
Vidéo du jour :Fear of being bored with your baby
The fear of loneliness is also often accompanied by that of boredom.So do not hesitate to continue some of these activities, and why not adapt them a little to do them with baby.For example, if you like to run, you can take a smaller tour, but running with the stroller!“You can also go to public gardens, or in cafes-parents, these are good means to create a link.You can also do an activity program, and take advantage of this time alone to do things that make you happy, and that you wanted to do for a long time, ”recommends the coach.This can result in simple activities, such as finishing a book or listening to your favorite music.Anyway, as Marie Costa says: ""We must replace boredom with pleasure"".
Be a parent: a new role
Even if this is the role of your life, being a parent is rather destabilizing.Already, you will find yourself alone facing a being that you do not know. Le docteur Fanny Jacq, psychiatre et directrice de santé mentale chez Qare, rassure sur ce sentiment : """"Même si c’est votre bébé, vous vous retrouvez tout de même avec quelqu’un que vous ne connaissez pas, 24h /24.We do not have his codes, it can be difficult to communicate with him, and we feel guilty for not having this famous attachment link.But it is completely normal, sometimes the links is created as and when """".So don't worry if you are afraid of staying with baby, life is not like in movies, and maternal or paternal instinct is not innate.
Do not know how to take care of your baby
A baby is a very fragile little being.It is completely dependent on you, and asks your attention.It can be very scary!Especially since it is not delivered with an explanation manual.“Parents may be afraid of not being up to.It’s sometimes complicated for them, ”says Marie Costa.Indeed, changing a layer, giving the bath, making a bottle is not innate.And parents sometimes feel guilty not to know how to do it, and do not dare to ask for help.However, there is no shame for that!No one has ever taught you to do, so it's normal not to have the right gestures right away.“The company brings us back the message we must be perfect parents.Now taking care of a baby is not easy.Parents can feel alone, helpless, and hopeless, and feel guilty about their feelings, ”says parental coach.It is then possible to call on health professionals, such as midwives.There is no shame for that!It is sometimes essential to get help.Especially since taking care of a baby can represent a constant weight on our shoulders.You have to be vigilant all the time, and that is exhausting.Not to mention that the lack of sleep is another of the main problems of young parents.""It is not always easy for parents to meet their needs, and those of the baby"".It is for this reason that asking for help is sometimes necessary.Some Nurses even offer to spend the night with you, to allow you to sleep without interruption, if only once!
Pulse phobias
The fear of not knowing how to take care of his infant, can also manifest himself by the fear of hurting him.Postpartum is a difficult period, and parents are often exhausted. Ils ne se reposent plus, ils pensent tout le temps à leur enfant, agissent parfois de manière mécanique… Parfois, les parents on ce que l’on appelle des « phobies d’impulsions » : """"Ils ont peur de faire mal à leur bébé, de façon intentionnelle ou accidentelle"""", explique la directrice de la santé mentale chez Qare. Elle poursuit : """"Il arrive qu’ils aient des flash visuels du bébé qui tombe par la fenêtre ou de la table à langer.This is very frightening, they feel like they are going crazy """".In reality, according to the doctor, this phenomenon is quite common, and affects many parents.Nevertheless, because of the shame, the fear of judgment and guilt, no one talks about it.However, it is essential to express yourself on what you feel.This will allow you to realize that you are not alone, and will raise the taboo.Your entourage and health professionals can also reassure you that this does not make you bad parents.""""It is not because we have this kind of thought, that we are going to hurt your child. Au contraire, cela veut dire que l’on est préoccupé par son bébé, parce qu’on y pense tout le temps, donc que l’on est un bon parent"""", rassure le docteur Jacq.It's a bit like your body sent you alert signals, this is a sign that you have to rest and take time for yourself.
Lire aussi :Batterie Faible : """"Ce n'est pas si facile de lâcher prise""""The regret of being a parent
Self -confidence is one of the keys that will allow you to no longer be afraid of being alone with your baby.Because this fear often reflects an internal fear.""We lack self -confidence, we are not the parent that we would like to be.Some even have the regret to be a parent.And they are ashamed to think that!Because nobody tells us that it is possible to have this kind of thoughts, ""says the professional.To regain confidence in oneself, and in your capacity as parents, it is essential to learn to accept your emotions: “You have to accept that you are lost, disappointed and that we don't know whatTO DO.We must not repress your emotions, otherwise we end up exploding ”.Indeed, wanting to be too perfect, and not listening to, can quickly lead to burnout.You can indeed see your baby as the source of all your problems, whether physical or psychic.Indeed, it should not be forgotten that the body after pregnancy is a little different.""To help parents, I ask them to draw their silhouette, and to explain to me where the different emotions manifests, so that we can work on it,"" explains Marie Costa.
Take care of yourself to take care of your baby
Another very important point: you cannot take care of your baby, if you cannot take care of yourself.Make sure that all your needs are met: ""For example, a mother who has not eaten, cannot breastfeed her child properly"".Marie Costa uses the metaphor of the crash: ""When an airplane is about to crash, the hostesses of the air tell parents to put the oxygen mask on them first, before putting it to their children.Because if they are not safe, they will not be able to take care of them ”.The, it is a bit the same, if the parents are not attentive to their needs, they will not be able to listen to those of their children.Take care of yourself, and mourn the “ideal parent” that you wanted to be.“If I am faced with a parent who does not ask questions, I will have doubts.Not everything can go well all the time.It is normal and important to have doubts and fears, ""she explains.Marie Costa concludes: ""It is not the parent who has all the right answers that matters to me, it is the one that has all the right questions"".And don't forget that in case of questions, you can turn to doctors, midwives, or parental coach.
Témoignage : """"J'avais peur d'être une mauvaise mère""""
Gaëlle is the mother of four children.If she is very fulfilled today in her role as mom, motherhood has not always been easy. Si elle a longtemps eu honte des difficultés éprouvées, elle en parle aujourd'hui sans tabou, sur son blog """"Gagou et sa tribu"""" :""""Quand ma première fille est née, c’était un peu le bébé parfait, elle ne pleurait jamais.When his brother arrived, he was a baby with intense needs, who was crying a lot.I had always been afraid to find myself alone with him to be unable to manage.I did not understand why I had succeeded with his sister and why not with him.It was his dad who managed a lot at that time.Maybe because he was less stressed?For my part, I argued all the time, I was afraid of not knowing how to meet his needs and therefore, I was fleeing the moments when I could find myself alone with him.When I called upon professionals, they told me to wean him from the pacifier, to let him cry ...
When I found myself head-on with him, I feared being a bad mother, I didn't even have time to take my shower.It was a descent into hell at the level of maternity.I may have made a depression at that time, I don't know, because at that time (14 years ago), we didn't talk about it yet.The fact that he never cries with his dad, also made me ask myself questions.Not to mention the gaze of others, which adds even more guilt.I gained self -confidence as a mom, with my third child, or I learned to listen to myself, and not what society said.Before, I was ashamed, but there, I managed to appropriate my role as mom again.My fourth child was also crying a lot, but I was ready.I asserted myself as a mom, I got there with the eyes of others.Then, that was not going too much with my husband, but I did everything to hold him back, because I was a little afraid of being alone with my four children, especially that the last was still small.Finally, I realized that I had an incredible force in me, and everything is going well.I really advise all parents who are afraid of being alone with their child for not being ashamed and talking about it.There is no perfect mother, you have to listen to your heart, and gain self -confidence as a parent.""""
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