Should babies be left to cry? We take stock in Park Debates, our new section!
"Let him cry", we often hear... and it's debated. Let or not let a baby cry, that is the question, so we answer it!
In this brand new section, Débats de parc, we take stock of the great debates of early childhood, which are sometimes divisive!
When you are a young parent, you are drowned in information and you do not always agree with your family, who try to impose their views. Through these articles, we give you marbles to try to see more clearly and decide for yourself what you want to do, in soul and conscience.
words of elders
You may have already heard these sentences: "you have to let babies cry, it opens their lungs!" or even "you have to let them cry a little, that's how they fall asleep." »
These words – which often come from older people – can sow doubt… and some confusion. Nobody wants to let their baby cry, who obviously asks for help (except when you're exhausted, which of course can happen!).
Old beliefs die hard and we often feel a little helpless in the face of contrary injunctions. Should we wait a bit before rushing to their bedside as soon as the decibels go up in volume? We explain to you.
Difficult to bear crying for parents
Babies often cry a lot, it's a fact! But you have to be reassured: this is normal and most of the time, it does not indicate a serious problem. On the government's website dedicated to the first 1000 days of the child, developed by early childhood professionals, it is written:
For parents, it can be very hard to bear. And when we see the apple of our eyes suffer, it breaks our hearts. Personally, I felt like I was dying inside as soon as one of my babies cried for more than 5 minutes. Which happened very often...
We liquefy, we cash in, we try to calm things down as best we can, often without understanding the origin of these cries. Empathy to the power of 1,000 or postpartum fragilities, the reasons why this crying is difficult for parents to bear are all valid.
As parents, we are not necessarily prepared to experience this. Alice Legendre, creator of writing workshops for mothers, wrote it on her Instagram account.
The risk in case of crying repeatedly not taken into account is also a loss of confidence in the adult, as she explains to us:
His well-being and proper development are therefore at stake. But we are talking here about repetitions and duration: if the child cries weakly, rather in the form of a rattle, a few minutes before falling asleep or if you cannot go immediately to your infant who is starting to cry, he will not there will be no consequences.
We do what we can: we will, in any case, not break your baby!
Accompaniment to sleep
To buy it, it's here!
Controversial methodsThe gradual expectation technique (also called 5-10-15 or gradual extinction) was developed by American pediatrician Richard Ferber. If the child cries in the evening and even at night, the parent first waits 5 minutes before coming, then over time 10 minutes and 15 minutes. This very controversial method has been the subject of studies with different results.
For a serious New Zealand study published in 2012 in the journal Early Human Development, researchers applied this method. When babies cried at night, the level of cortisol (stress hormone) collected in saliva was high. After three days, the babies were no longer crying but the cortisol level was still high.
This suggests that if this method "works" because babies stop crying, they would continue to be stressed but would no longer ask for help.
For Héloïse Junier, who takes up this study in her book, “this method is psychological torture”.
The well-being of parents, to be taken into account
Obviously, all these recommendations constitute an ideal: it is also necessary to take into account the well-being of the parents, which will reflect on the baby.
No matter how much we love and cherish it, sometimes, fatigue helping, it's too much! We can't do it anymore... And rather than going to extremes, like getting upset or even shaking it (we now know the devastation that this can cause), we might as well go isolate ourselves a little, entrust the baby to someone another if possible, get away from the shouting, go have a drink (of water or alcohol, no judgement!) in the kitchen.
The injunctions are numerous for the parents and the fact of not letting them cry can seem to be an additional one. That's why you have to act, to the extent of your abilities, at the moment T, and not rack your brains when you need to take a short break.
In her book Libérées, journalist Titiou Lecoq expressed her feelings of fear and guilt, after reading a highly questionable article, which warned parents of the consequences of letting their babies cry:
We understand the stress caused by this kind of statement and we must therefore act with moderation and reason to keep.
To sum up, you must first try to understand the crying in order to respond to it as well as possible. But there is not always a cause. In any case, it is always good to try to reassure the baby and show him your presence, possibly by taking him in your arms. These are good practices, to try to apply regularly, but each and everyone composes as best they can with their daily life and its constraints. No baby is harmed if he cries for a few minutes alone!
Read also: Every time you say "sleep like a baby", a parent cries tears of blood
Feature image: © Getty Images
More Postpartum Articles
