They have had twins several times: these mothers tell their daily life like no other

By Johann Foucault Published onNewsSee my news

“I had four children in 3 and a half years”. Look no further, it's relatively simple. Marion had twins…twice. Lucie and Margot* are now 9 years old, and Victor and Constance*, 5 and a half.

On a daily basis, being parents of "multiples" (twins, triplets, quadruplets, etc.) as they are called, is sport. So when like Marion, we have two “pairs” of twins, it turns into a marathon.

Besides, if the 39-year-old mother, living in Isère, agrees to tell us about her personal experience on the phone, there is no time for her to rest, however, she continues to go about her business at the same time. There is cleaning that doesn't wait, tidying up... And time is precious. Especially in this period of confinement, with a week of class at home and two weeks of Easter vacation.

Two pairs of twins to manage: a happy mess

Like Marion, Cécilia, 34, residing in Seine-Maritime, also gave birth to twins, twice. Alex and Clément will soon be 7 years old and Diane and Bastien will be 1 year old.

Like Marion, Cécilia also knows that you absolutely must not let yourself be overwhelmed by the many tasks that come with managing two sets of twins.

Marion, who works part-time in a nursery, confirms. With her children aged 9 and 5 and a half, the first years of six in the home were rhythmic.

“Now that my children are growing up and that my work time is better organized during the week, I manage to find times when I do things that are not essential but which allow me to recharge my batteries a little. Before, it was not possible”.

The organization: the sinews of war

To get your head out of the water, you have to be organized and know how to anticipate. Because time is flying fast.

For Marion, the daily alarm clock is at 5:45 a.m. when she is working, 6:15 a.m. otherwise.

Because afterwards, the four children have to be well prepared for school, then go to work or manage the house. "On days when I'm not working, I schedule doctor's appointments, do the shopping, do the paperwork, deal with emails, clean, sort, maintain a minimum of order in the house..."

And when you get back from school, you have to do homework, play, prepare meals, feed them, take showers, manage bedtime... Only then is it time to take a breather, "around 9 p.m." . Unless there are still things to do, or even the next day to anticipate.

“The hardest thing for me, says Cécilia, is the laundry! It comes back too much! We had to equip ourselves with a washing machine and a 13 kg capacity dryer! And it shouldn't break down. If we are a day late, we feel it right away. »

The rest is "manageable" according to Cécilia, despite waking up early in the morning very often at the same time as her spouse, at 4 am. She also works part-time in the public service.

As for Marion, the most difficult thing is “to be constantly having to cut yourself in two and then in four. Very often, I find that my children's requests are legitimate, they are right to want me to play a game with them, to show me what they have done at school... Except that I can't to do things with four different children who ask me different things.

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Accept support

One of the pitfalls to avoid: thinking that it is possible to do everything, without outside help. "The first year, it's difficult to do it alone, recognizes Marion, you have to agree to get help". The two mothers understood this thanks to the support of the Jumeaux et plus association, of which Elodie Gossuin is godmother, herself the mother of two pairs of twins.

By sharing their experiences, the parents of multiple children discover that they have lived the same adventure, which facilitates "the exchange and the release of speech with the families", explains to actu.fr Isabelle Sudre, national delegate of the Fédération Jumeaux et plus, which has supported more than 500,000 families in 40 years of existence. And the difficulties encountered are often the same:

Marion remembers when she was told of her first twin pregnancy.

“It was a big surprise. I had a moment of panic. I said to myself but what am I going to do? »

A situation that Cécilia did not experience, she whose mother has a twin daughter and paternal grandmother too. “I had warned my husband: we risk having twins and I feel that it will fall on us”. Also, no big surprise except a premature birth to manage and all the worries that implies. But otherwise "it went well", says Cécilia, serene, who did not expect to fall pregnant a second time, especially since she had an IUD. At the gynecological examination, it was clear: “I was 4 and a half months pregnant and they were twins again”.

As for Marion, for whom the announcement of her second pregnancy caused a laugh. “It was the big joke, but we weren't scared this time because we thought we had known how to do it the first time. We had just forgotten that the huge difference was that we had two little 3 and a half year olds that we would have to manage as well. »

A spike in twin births around the world

There have never been so many twins born. "More than 1.6 million pairs of twins are born each year in the world", according to a study published in the scientific journal "Human reproduction". The reason: in particular the increase in medically assisted procreation (PMA) and later maternity. Thus, since the 1980s, twin births have increased by a third, according to this study, in which Gilles Pison, professor at the National Museum of Natural History, associate researcher at the National Institute for Demographic Studies, and member of the scientific committee of the Jumeaux et plus association. Within the National Federation, which brings together 81 local associations, this scientific committee, made up of teachers, pediatricians, neonatal resuscitators, obstetricians, psychologists, etc., makes it possible to provide its expertise on twins and to train the 800 volunteers in the field, all parents of multiples, twins, triplets or more.

50% premature births

For 16 years that she accompanies future mothers of multiple children, Isabelle Sudre no longer counts the times when mothers confide in her: “in fact I expected it to be much harder than that! ".

A confession that does not, however, hide the real issues:

The association also carries out work to prevent prematurity, which is necessary to bring future mothers “as far as possible in their pregnancy”.

Not easy for the couple

To this stress of prematurity is added that of the management of twin children. “If you are not prepared or accompanied, honestly, it can become very complicated, recognizes the national delegate, herself a mother of twins. We see couples who falter because each withdraws into their difficulty, the couple no longer speaks to each other and then each has their head in the handlebars, and it becomes very complicated. Marion recognizes this:

Cécilia is convinced of this: "we must manage to find little moments together, we must not forget each other either". From time to time, she and her spouse have the children looked after, to go to a restaurant, go for a motorbike ride...

Fortunately, she and Marion can count on the support of their family circle. And Marion did not hesitate to call on family workers and student midwives for her first children, who came to help.

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A heavy mental burden for women

For mothers, the situation is all the more complicated as they are the most mobilized on a daily basis, for a simple reason: the budget. "With twins, the budget is twice, or even more," underlines Isabelle Sudre. Change of car for a seven or nine-seater vehicle, sometimes moving, childcare equipment, nappies, milk... the bill climbs quickly and you have to be financially secure, by looking for good deals and opting for reasonable expenses, whether for shopping, leisure activities, vacations…

Admittedly, parental leave does exist, divided into two years for one parent, plus one year for the other. But as “the childcare arrangements are not sufficient in number”, points out the national delegate, “women take less parental leave or else they take it and resign because they cannot find a solution for the third year”. She adds :

One of the consequences of this "casualization of women": "every day, raises Isabelle Sudre, we have families and women crying on the phone, it's a real problem".

But we love them

Once past the difficulties that this represents on a daily basis, Cécilia and Marion recognize it: it is only happiness.

"And we have a double dose of hugs, a double dose of gifts on Mother's Day... We have a double dose of everything: we have a double dose of fatigue but also a double dose of love, of attention..." smiles Marion, who remembers these precious moments of tenderness between her two babies, inseparable. “When you see one-month-old babies, hand in hand, head against head, cuddling, just that, it gives strength to manage everything else, it's so cute! ".

And Marion, like Cécilia, both recognize that the special relationship that their children have with each other because of their twinness is a fascinating strength. From there to put the cover back? Not so sure…

*Their first names have been changed.

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